Thursday, October 2, 2014
Piñata
I am with all my friends. We are all chattering about the last victim that was beat to death. They start to say I will be next but I do not believe them. All of a sudden there is this little kid pulling on me. The little kid says "This one mommy! I want this one!" Then the mother of the child pulls me down from where I am. I feel scared and I do not want to know where I am going, so I decide to act like I am dead. I do not realize that I actually fall asleep. I wake up in their house surrounded with beautiful pink decorations that match what I am wearing. There is candy all over the table. I know it is my time. They cut me open and start stuffing me with the candy. Now that they are done they put me back together and hang me on a tree outside. They start to beat me. One by one, a child with blind folds around their eyes hit me with a bat. Eventually, I break and all my candy falls to the green grass that was under me.
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Your first sentence should be worded differently. You should said you were with your friends one day, put it in past tense. Your spelling, "id" should be "is". Other than that, your story was very interesting!
ReplyDeleteVery good story, I like the detail and time you put into it. There are just a few minor mistakes like it the sentence where the little girl is talking to her mom you put a capital I after mommy and one. You also put the word I'd where I think you meant to put the word is.
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